Some days

Some days the worry threatens to consume me. Just sayin’.

I think I’ll just keep him at home, safe with me.

Aaaaaand he’s 7

Seems like just yesterday I was in a hospital bed praying for mercy a swift ending drugs a healthy baby.  And after 19 long hours, we got him.  And he was wonderful.  And we’ve been pinching ourselves ever since – how could we be so lucky to get this little guy?

Happy Birthday, our sweet little boy!  We love you!

Coming up next…

Suprise, honey!  I decided what I want to do with this paycheck’s decorating budget. 

This post has been a long time coming

Okay, so let me preface this post by saying that I’m not looking for attaboys or “you’re such a good mom” statements – really, I’m not.  I want to make anyone who reads this blog aware that this is a problem and that it needs to be recognized – you’ll be a better person for it, I promise!

We have a special needs child.  I have a special needs child.  Me.  I’m a person, too.  While full blown autism was ruled out long ago, the question of PDD-NOS is still on the table, although Ethan’s therapist leans toward a “Learning Disability.”  And we’d agree with it – LD or PDD-NOS. Whatever.  It’s all semantics at this point.  We know what Ethan needs and how to go about getting it.  That’s all that matters.  I digress…

So anyhow, there’s something that’s really irking me lately – and I think it needs some light shed on it.  When you see a child who is “not typical,” be it a language delay, speech impairment, autism, behavior problems, ADHD, whatever.  Please don’t judge.  Don’t give advice.  Listen to that parent if they tell you their child likes/doesn’t like something or behaves in certain ways because of xyz.  And for God’s sake, have a little compassion will you?

Let me tell you about a typical day with an atypical kid in his current school situation.  And yes, I realize that having typical kids can be just as stressful sometimes. 

5am – Ethan wakes up and wants to get up and play.  I’m too tired to battle him about how he needs sleep because he doesn’t understand me anyway.  Besides, when he’s up, he’s up and it’s always been like that.  I guess this isn’t so very atypical.  Lots of parents have this problem. 

5:02am – Pray that he won’t sneak out the front door and wander across the street.  Again.  Should we have put a special latch on the door?  Ugh, that seems so barbaric.

5:05am – Feel guilty because I should be getting up.

8am – Make Ethan breakfast.  The same thing.  Every. Single. Day.  Why?  Because it’s about the only nutritious thing I’ve ever been able to get him to eat for breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, 1 slice of toast, and an apple.

8:05am – Feel guilty because my child doesn’t have a more extensive diet.

8:15am – Explain the entire day to Ethan.  He must know every single thing we’re doing and in what order.  And Lord knows I’d better remember exactly what I told him when I picked him up from school – no diversions.  Let me add to that, he won’t throw a monster fit if I change things up on him, he will just keep asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.

8:30am – Help Ethan get ready for school.  Remind him to leave his pants on his ankles when he goes potty because apparently the teacher seems to think taking your pants off to go potty is huge frackin’ deal.

9:00am – Arrive at school and pray they aren’t changing up the routine on him unexpectedly.  Pray that he doesn’t run into the room with an enthusiastic “hi” (yes, I actually love it when he does this) because the class is usually so bloody quiet and somber.

2:30pm – Arrive at Ethan’s school to pick him up.  Get my emotional guard in place because when entering a school after a day of them having him, I never know what’s going to be waiting for me.  Yes, you teachers out there – I’m ashamed to say it, but you do have the power to completely ruin my day (or my week).  Is the teacher going to say today was “fine?”  Do I have to wonder what’s really going on?  Because see, when a teacher tells you “fine” and you know that can’t possibly be true because of your child’s challenges, you have to wonder what said teacher is really thinking.  Or is said teacher going to remind me that my kid is different and needs extra support?  Ooo, maybe they noticed something we haven’t noticed at home (yes, I’m being sarcastic).  Or heaven forbid, maybe they’re just ignoring him because they aren’t sure what to do with him.  And no, I don’t know if any of these thoughts are healthy or rational, but it’s what goes on in my head every single day.  Just keepin’ it real, folks.

2:45pm – Big sigh as we get into the car and head home because I don’t really know how he’s doing at school.  Nobody will tell me anything, but I see in their eyes they’re thinking something they are not voicing.  And no, the thing I see in their eyes is not the light of challenge that really enthusiastic teachers get.

2:46pm – Reflect on how the director of the school said she’s eager for us to set up a meeting with them because they have some “suggestions” for him.

3:00pm – Get home.  Feel guilty because there’s no friends waiting in the wings to come over and play.  Because it’s pretty hard to make friends when you’re years “younger” than them in communication ability.  Feel guilty because I can’t let him run around the neighborhood with other kids his age for fear of his safety.  He doesn’t understand yet that he can’t get into a stranger’s car.  He wouldn’t be able to tell us if someone touched him inappropriately.

4:00pm – Go to the grocery store.  Ignore the people staring when he’s grunting and flapping his arms around because he’s either excited or nervous.

4:05pm – Feel guilty because as much as I don’t want to admit it, the arm flapping and grunting embarrasses me.

6:00pm – Make dinner.  Make two side dishes because the only veggies he will eat are peas and corn.  Sometimes make two main dishes if we’re eating something that has any sort of liquid or gravy on it or if it’s combined with other food.

6:05pm – Feel guilty because my child doesn’t have a more extensive diet.

7:30pm – Feel like a total success because my child has finally learned to take a shower on his own.

7:35pm – Listen to him singing in the shower and thank God I’m his mama.

8:30pm (okay, alot of times closer to 9:30pm) – Listen to Daddy tell Ethan a “pretend story” while they snuggle up on Ethan’s bed and giggle and thank God I’m his mama.

9:35pm – Feel guilty because he got to bed so late

9:45pm – Defriend someone on Facebook because they won’t stop posting stupid articles on their wall about vaccines and toxins causing autism.  Resist the urge to flame their wall.  Repeatedly.

10:00pm – It’s too hard to talk about our fears and worries from the day so we just sit down with Netflix and Battlestar Gallactica.

So why am I telling you this?  This is pretty much it.  It’s real.  Lord knows we don’t have it nearly as bad as alot of people.   Ethan’s pretty mild in comparison to some of the stories I’ve heard.

I want people to be aware of what’s behind a parent’s eyes when she picks her kid up from school.  Or when you see her at the grocery store and her child is bouncing around flapping his arms.  We are people.  We have feelings.  We are dealing with a situation that we never imagined ourselves to be in when we were carrying our baby in our womb.  Going to school isn’t just about going to school.  We wait each day for the other shoe to drop.  We claw and fight our way through the system trying to get the very best and appropriate services for our child.  We fight each day to keep from throwing in the towel and taking the path of least resistance.  We have to stand up for and do what’s right by our kid no matter what it costs us financially, emotionally, or physically. We fight each day to not lose ourselves because worrying about our child removes any sense of individuality we ever possessed.

So have a little compassion, will you?  Celebrate the little victories with us, will you?  And shut the hell up about vaccines and toxins, k?

Memorial Day Workend

As has become our weekend habit since we moved into this house, we had a big project lined up for our long weekend.  I don’t have a lot of details to post, so I’ll just post some pictures for those who are interested.

By the way, in case you’re wondering – I’m blogging all of our house projects so I force myself to keep a written and photo journal of all the changes we’re making.  I’ve always regretted in the past when I didn’t have stuff documented. 

Enjoy!

Before — everyone together now….”EWWWW!!!!!”  Yep, it was a mess — a real, hot mess — when we moved in.  The bushes that were planted here originally were super ugly and the fact that they had been left to their own devices for months (years??) was not helping.

So, we tore out the ugly bushes (I understand they are being put back into service by my Dad’s neighbor who has acres and acres).  Ethan was such a helper – he was mimicking Troy’s sounds of pain as he attempted to dig out the gianormous holly monster bush.

This little guy about gave me a heart attack as I was trimming the bushes back.

And here’s the after…. (click the photos for larger versions)

Upgrading the cabinets

Before we moved into our new house, the kitchen (well actually the entire house) was a sea of white.  Builder.  Flat.  White.  Builder white just does not work for this color loving mama.  Right before we moved in, we went ahead and painted the downstairs, which included the kitchen.  Yay!  I recently added some drop cloth curtains for privacy on the sliding door.  But what I really thought the kitchen needed was some texture to break up that wall of white cabinets.  Hmmm….

Blinded by the white

As usual, I turned to houzz.com (careful, it’s addictive!!) for inspiration.

Before

What I finally decided it needed was some texture.  The wall of cabinets was just not working for me.  You can see from the inspiration picture that there are tons of cabinets.  We moved here from a tiny apartment with about 5 cabinets in it, so obviously we have not (yet) filled up said cabinets.  Now’s the perfect time to eliminate a few of them, eh?   Less difficult choices later about which cheese grater to nix.

So my brave hubby went with it and pulled down the doors and the little in-between bar for me (it just screwed in, so no demo required and we can always put it right back the way it was if we need to someday).  I stuck a basket up there (sorry forgot to take a pic) and wah-wah.  Still white and it looked like we had just taken cabinet doors off and stuck  a basket up there – that wouldn’t do!  I remembered seeing a redo once where someone had painted the back of their cabinet to give the illusion that it was just a wall shelf.  Aha!  We had lots of the wall color paint left.  So I sent hubby out to the Depot to pick up some amazing Kilz Oil-Based Primer.  The backs of the cabinets were the same material as the rest (is that melamine?), so I knew we needed to do something to make the paint stick.  Bonus: when you drip on the shelf of the cabinet, it wipes right off. 

So here’s the results of our 2 hours of labor on Sunday evening (yes, I’m a spontaenous DIY-er – bad Missy!).  I need more somethings on the top shelf, but you get the picture…

I love the way it breaks up the white an adds some color and much needed texture to the wall.  Not to mention I get to use my beloved baskets.  Yes, I have a basket fetish.

We also decided to do a small cabinet that could house my cookbooks.  I desperately needed a place to put them that wasn’t the counter (that drives me crazy when they slide all over the place).

So there you have it – our kitchen transformation….all for the bargain price of….. $40!!  Gotta love that.  Can’t wait to swap out that pot rack with the two pendant lights I scored at a decorator/builder sale!